- Republicans: Let's pass a constitutional amendment to keep gays from marrying the people they love
- Republicans: And let's make it as hard as possible for women (and other people who can get pregnant) to get abortions
- Republicans: And let's make it harder for the poor, the elderly and minorities to vote
- Republicans: And let's make it so that the police can stop brown people randomly to ask for their papers
- Republicans: Because we believe in freedom